Burning

Yesterday there was a glorious snowfall over our little city.  Today my mom and I took a walk around our little square.  I wanted coffee, but our local coffee house wasn't open.  So we continued walking around for a good twenty minutes.  It was weird because I asked her questions about my brother, what there is to do in the city, how this place could even be considered a metropolis when there's no sign of a skyscraper.  We were both very cold, so we took a shortcut down a snowy hill.  Since she's a little older, I had to guide her down safely.

Sometimes the world just changes without you realizing.  The child helps the parents across the road, you no longer trust a close friend, the Sun burns a little brighter in your memories.  I find myself worried more about loans, money, what kind of parent I will be, how the fiscal cliff will affect me, whether I'll do well in classes, whether I will be able to complete the 5k I'm signing up for tonight.  My head is filled with questions about what flow cytometry is, whether or not I will get a job, what I can do in the meantime to increase my competitiveness, whether I should try to go to medical school, whether these things that I worry about will ever be resolved.

So many questions and decisions will define me.  How can you begin to separate past, present, and future on the wills and what should haves, and what could have, and what has? The funny thing is, I only set out to have a cup of coffee.  Strange how different things can be without being different. As the new year approaches, I think its important to learn how to let things go.  Problem is the execution of that plan. How can you let something go when its so important? How are people surviving time out there?

Existential crisis aside, I'm doing well. I hope you are too.  Happy Early New Year.