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There's a quote out there, " Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle," by Plato and I feel like i haven't done it justice.  In my guilty state I folded some of the laundry my mom had out and made grapefruit-orange juice.  Now I'm craving some eggs and instead I'm getting the Indian version of grits.  A girl's job is never ending.  I'm actually in an emotional pickle at the moment.  It has to deal with dance....

You see, I've known for some time that if I could do anything, I could just go and train to be a dancer, travel the world to perform for the masses, and then settle down and teach for the rest of my life.  That's my dream.  I wish I could fullfill it.  But I know I will never be allowed to become a dancer: mainly cause most people don't understand that. Most people don't even know that when I was 8 years old, it was my decision to start dance.  I wasn't one of those kids who only did it because their parents forced them to learn "culture".  They don't get that it was my father who pressured me to quit for quite a few years before I finally gave in.

I really want to go back to pure dance.  I hated performing for others because I was shy. About three to four years ago, during one of the most emotionally challenging time periods my dancing suffered and I heard that one of my dance partners said that I was such a bad dancer.  That took a toll on me because you never really forget how people's words made you feel.  After a three year period where my dancing suffered and my beliefs waned, I threw in the towel.  But it didn't make my life any better.  The happiest time of my life still remains when I was dancing rigorously and learning to teach it to little kids.  In those days, all I had was dance.  My dad is a chronic angry person and I was too shy to make any substantial mark in society or have meaningful relationships with anyone who existed outside of a book page.  Dance was the one place that was peaceful.

I think I wanted to write this because I needed to realize what it means to me.  I want to go back to the one place I had felt stable.  I'm going to start dancing again with  or without my father's permission.