Insomnia

To the dark, sleepless nights
which left me tossing and turning
hoping for a better morning,
I bid thee farewell.
I have found a replacement for the cold and empty longingness
as one replaces an old battery.
It is a love, which wraps me up like a feathery blanket.
Every night I'm treated to a colorful symphony of words,
bright and cheerful and warm.
It is a love which trumps my weaknesses.
I had almost forgotten what I was good at.
You know when that happens, and you feel a darkness inside
almost as though there's a black hole where your heart used to be.
Even light could not escape it.
I still lie down and wonder what will happen to me,
for the future is a foggy as a misty morning,
but then the words they cover me up like a pashmina.
Suddenly, the empty page is conquered,
and the void was slowly filled up with a dream.
They tell me that I cannot make it,
and deep down, a part of me will always think "you are crazy."
They told me my dream was impossible
and that I'd be damned if it came true.
I've made mistakes in my past,
and I always thought they made me ugly-gave me scars that no amount of surgery could fix.
But I was wrong, the real scar is giving up-
letting the fear of falling overcome the hope of climbing.
I wish I could find a map,
with directions and instructions
as though this life is straight from the manufacturer.
But there manual for what this is,
this jumble of thoughts and ideas and feelings and shades of living.
We're all wishing for a secret that could get us through the days, the months, the years.
Some of us, we're still waiting.