Dear John

The moment he said it, I regretted hearing the words.
"I think I'm in love with you"
.............................."You are?"
Disbelief. Excitement. Relief."Well that's good cause I'm in love  falling in love with you too. "
(I quickly changed my words, suddenly afraid that he would catch them and throw them back in my face.)
But there they were: words laced with feelings like small gems hidden in an ancient tapestry.
Emotions that quickly became
Sadness. Confusion. Hurt.
When it comes to love, I have a lot of experience getting hurt
being a disappointment
knowing everyone thinks I'm young
(naive) restless
the universe has shown me time and again to throw away my optimism
replace it with cynicism
(jaded)
I dismantle the layers of grime
pain
dust searching for the truth
what I am worth
that I am wise beyond my years
and learning
He asks me how I'm doing. Says
"hey, just checking in on you"
(cue Panic and overanalysis of his words)
but they are just words. nothing more nothing less ()
a few months ago
I met another briefly
sparks flew or so I thought
But there is no future in passion
future comes with respect
with trust"You are so pretty"
(Ok but is that all there is to me)
vanity jokes insecure
his hands under my dress
his lips on mine
kiss
arms curling around me
(tender) kiss on my cheek
on my temple
saying goodbye
("See you soon")
wondering if I made a mistake
if I am naive
(tears)
drop
drop
onto my computer screen
snot (everywhere)
phone silent ()