You Can't Get Lost if You Don't Know Where You are Going

These past two months have been exactly what I wanted to need: very little academic pressure, in fact very little pressure at all.  I know I wanted to volunteer, read a lot, and start studying for MCATs and try to improve my memory, etc etc.  You know those crazy plans you think you'll accomplish because they will make you a better person in the eyes of the people who judge? I made a ton of those and I also made a ton of remarkable revelations.

For starters: I really hate eating unhealthy food all the time.  Binge eating at my aunt's house made me realize that I hated myself when I didn't take care of it. I was itching to run again, even though five years ago I told everyone that I hated to run.  I like to take care of myself (not in an obsessive way, but in the good way). I also realized just how much I want my life to revolve around public service and how ready I am to be poor as a pauper just so that I can work with kids and the public. But I'm terrified, because doing what I want means rebelling against my parents.  Frankly, after a lifetime of rebelling, I wished that I wouldn't have to do it anymore. Finally, I realized how much I wanted to write and tell a story.  I nearly considered trying to write a book; though if I had started working on it, I'm not sure how many people would want to read it.

But in place of all these impossible plans, and goals I have come away with a few simple truths: I want to believe in myself, I want to be a minimalist, I want to hold onto my spirituality, and I want to talk to people. I know pretty this blog is only for me, but in the midst of my mindless poetry and essays, I think I did want to record my ambition for the year: to become a minimalist and connect to people on a much better level. The other day I was spoken to so rudely and with such arrogance, I kept wondering what I had done to deserve it. No one can make me feel insecure or less dignified.  I implore everyone to be aware of how you talk to others for you never know how it will affect them. Live with some intention and consciousness.

I also hoped to finally start my minimalistic journey through life.  Six months ago, I began tossing out old things and donating old clothes and trying to reduce the amount of stuff that I had.  It began to overpower me and the clutter was too much to handle.  I'm going to begin my minimalism by clearing out this big suitcase of clothes that I have.  I need to finally come to terms with the fact that my materialism has reached its absolute limit.  I also have come to terms with the fact that negativity has ruled my consciousness with an iron fist. I am going to try to make a conscious effort to be a kinder self-respecting individual.  As the Swedish Proverb goes,“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

Last Thursday I went to New York City and I felt so overwhelmed by the amount of people and things and sights.  But the beauty of the city was that it seemed to be so full of life that the city itself was alive.  It was amazing to behold.  Of course, I finished all my shopping for a year or two: finding pieces which I can imagine myself wearing over and over again.  I walked so much and talked so much, it was almost as though I had found myself again.  The next day I got the opportunity to visit Boston, which was an equally amazing city.  Perhaps one day, I will get a job at either of those cities and work there.  It was truly unbelievable how great my days were in these places, when I knew that just one moment could make it worse or better.  You never know how things will end up.  Its all in the wind.  People kept asking me if I was afraid of getting lost.  To be honest, at first I was very frightened that I would end up on some small alley and get mugged or worse.  But I began to understand that you really can't be lost if you don't know where you are going. 

You can't be disappointed, if you don't know what you want from life. Its that way when you're looking for a dress. If you come to the store with high expectations of what you WANT to find, you'll never find it. But if you walk into an establishment with an open mind, you'll more than what you ever dreamed.  I'm not sure why things work out this way, but I pray that things turn around for me and for my family. 

Have a great day y'all =) 
Sincerely
The Blogger